There are so many random cycling events across the country but, Dirt Rag's Dirt Fest Stands alone. It's basically the best time you'll ever have but vaguely remember. (Or not at all remember if you're Tim - see #1 spot below.)

Here are our top 10 stories from the weekend of debauchery.

10. Tent set up with Pit Viper Shades. Side Note: (Handup Gloves and Pit Viper Shades hooked up and it felt so good. More stories below too. Click the picture below to see more of what they're all about.)  -- So tent set up, they first rolled up on Honda Helix Scooters in the best apparel your local thrift store could offer. After 1 hour, 4 of them, and 2 of us, trying to set up their Mint Saloon Big Agnes tent we became good friends. (But directions on the tent set up would have been solid.)

 
 

 

9. We spent the weekend sitting across the way from Wilson and Kurt at Pello Cycling (A kids bike company). We loved this as kids test riding their bikes led to subsequent wrecking all day, erryday, which led to great entertainment and forgetting about our daily hang over. 

8. We also met Rebel Yell Bourbon and got a couple free bottles for the night, which we polished off quickly and that led to more chaos (read more below). We were going to try and save the sweet liquor for the office and cherish it as a Dirt Fest present, but nah....it tastes so good once it hits your lips!

7. Shai (pronounced "shy") Guy gave us no less than 4 hugs each, a day.

 
pit viper
 

 

6. Vendor Parking expo tags are basically do-whatever-the-fuck-you-want tags. You don't even need to stop and explain yourself to the guards. One night though while leaving the event, Wilson - only sober one in the bunch - felt the urge to stop on the way OUT of the event to tell the guard that we were with the Expo and just leaving for the night. He really wanted to drive the point home. Or maybe the guard was blind and Wilson was being nice #staywoke.

5. Watching one of Pit Vipers guys wreck the mopeds they brought, twice, in a 5 minute span. Once off a bridge obstacle and the other time in the "slippery grass" as he claimed.  

4. Shai Guy's dancing --- Enough said, just check this link and search more on Instagram under #DirtRagDirtFest you'll find some gems. 

3. Now that you have seen, Shai Guy, imagine him rapping, because yes, that happened too. This was displayed at the first night's party as a beat was just playing on loop in the background. All of a sudden Shai Guy comes out of no where in the middle of a crowded tent and just spits rhymes equivalent to Kendrick Lamar. (Well, if Kendrick were in the middle-of-nowhere-Pennsylvania on a Friday night. So kinda like Kendrick we guess.) Regardless, it left everyone speechless. 

2. For 2 years running, one of our own has eaten a pasta and, by nightfall, has thrown up said pasta. Both have been tomato based sauces and he will be attempting to hold down the big time next year... fettuccine Alfredo. 

1. As we said before, our  friend Tim may not have any memories of Dirt Fest and here is why. 2 bottles of bourbon leads to nothin' but trouble. Unfortunately most of that trouble befell (pun intended) our friend Tim as he went head first onto the side of the Bro-boat party. (To scale drawing below)

 
 

NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS WHILE READING REST OF ARTICLE FOR MAXIMUM EXPERIENCE.

As you can see, the already sketchy jump from the tree roots to the boat would be even too much for a free-throw-line dunker from Michael Jordan, let alone our friend Tim. Needless to say he didn't make it and his body landed between the boat and the bank with his head breaking the fall. Sorry about your concussion Tim. You'll get'em next time!

And that is what we like to call "Dirt Fested"!

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